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Miami Dolphins February Scouting Report
Jimmy The Finger
2/8/2018

Picking through the debris of the Miami Dolphins 2017 Season it’s tough to find anything we might call a positive. Except, perhaps, that it is over. This team is grossly mismanaged, badly coached. Want a reason? You must look no farther than the "autopsy" interview with Dolphins Owner Stephen Ross in which he claimed he hated losing, then expressed confidence in Team President Mike ("Atom Bomb") Tennenbaum, GM Chris ("The Blind Man") Grier and Head Coach Adam "Waste." The NFL equivalent to the bridge crew of the Costa Concordia.

 

This team is a joke. And I can even tell you what joke. It’s the one where the opposing defense hears a truck backfire, figures the half is over, leaves the field. Six plays later the Dolphins score. They kick a Field Goal.

 

There are those who might point to the emergence of RB Kenyan Drake as a bright spot. But even after the Fins traded Jay Ajayi, Drake was still backing up career journeyman Damien Williams. So as you listen to all those great stats, how Drake was the 2nd best RB over the last however many games, you might wonder – if the guy’s that good, how come the coaches didn’t know it? Big thing a couple years back when Gase cut Billy Turner and Dallas Thomas after they sucked so bad, pretty much cost us a game. But once again, if they were that bad, how come the coaches didn’t know it?

 

The big story this off-season is whether or not Miami will re-sign WR Jarvis Landry. Looked like they intended to do so before Landry pulled his diva act in the final game. (Jeeze… Could you imagine Landry and Odell Beckham on the same freaking team? These guys oughta be in tutus.) Hate to say I told you so, but after Miami traded Ajayi for a 4th Round Pick I predicted Jarvis Landry would start acting up, seeing how easy it is to get onto a contender. Given the brain power at work in this organization it seems obvious they will trade Landry to the New England Patriots for an 8th Round Pick. The Fins will Franchise him first, however, agree to pay him $16 Million, and then agree to pay half of that as part of the trade.

 

And yes, I know there are only 7 rounds in the Draft. That alone makes me over-qualified for a Front Office position with the Miami Dolphins.

 

As far as Fins needs in the off-Season, I rank them: 1.) Team Owner; 2.) Team President; 3.) GM; 4.) Head Coach; 5.) Offensive Coordinator; 6.) Defensive Coordinator; and 7.) A few more players.

 

A lot of stuff in mainstream media about Fins doing something at Quarterback, perhaps using their First Rounder. This would be a huge mistake. Put it that way, of course, makes it a distinct possibility. Nothing shows how terribly this team is mismanaged more than the way they handled the Quarterback situation last year. They let Tannehill decline surgery for stem cell therapy. Nobody mentions the odds of it working were 10-15%. They do nothing to address the issue through Off-Season. When Tannehill re-injures his knee the first week of Camp (surprise, surprise) they suddenly decide back-up QB Matt Moore, who they’ve been carrying for 7 years, won’t be good enough, so they back up a Brinks Truck to Jay Cutler’s house. Cutler sucks so bad eventually they must turn to Matt Moore, but for some reason (surprise, surprise) the guy could give a crap.

 

And no discussion about last Season can overlook a Press Conference in which the Head Coach claims the reason his team sucks so bad is because key players don’t know the Play Book. Bad enough if this is true. But what kind of moron is going to admit this is how much he inspires his players? What does this say about team culture?

 

Dark days in Miami, Sports Fans. We’ve got 4 frickin’ franchises. And NO STARS!

 

End.

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