Chad Pennington? Say it ain’t so. This is terrible. This is worse than terrible; this is pathetic. Nobody’s mentioning how much this resembles bringing in Trent Green last Season. Now there’s a pleasant association. (Wasn’t that the year we went 1-15?) The similarities are chilling. Déjà vu all over again. On the downside of a mediocre career, with no hope of any future, Pennington dons a Dolphin uniform simply because no other team is dumb enough to pay him as much. The ‘Fins are going nowhere, especially now. He has absolutely no emotional investment in said team or the city. He will drop back, throw the ball, and he’s simply not going to care where it comes down. Like Bull Durham, Crash Davis after Nuke hit the mascot, telling the batter: "I don’t know where the ball is going. I swear to God." What difference will it make? Pennington’s just cashing the biggest pay check he can find for as long as he can last. At least Josh McCown, John Beck or Brad Henne will CARE, they got something to prove, some chance of a future.

This could be worse than Dave Wannstadt starting Jay Feidler over Damon Huard. (Another pleasant association.) Some may cite drafting the infamous Eric Kumerow, but at least Kumerow had THE CHANCE of a future. (Still, you might notice at least in what category this move ranks.) Pennington is a known quotient. Known bad. On the steepening down side of his career, he was never more than mediocre at best. Bad enough even signing the guy, but if he’s given the starting job you might as well change the channel. Every article has diplomatically mentioned how he’s not exactly known for his arm strength. That’s like saying Pol Pot’s not exactly known for his philanthropy. You could find A GIRL with a better arm. (How many NFL Quarterbacks can you say that about? And probably be RIGHT?) Besides which – we hate him. Don’t care if he does wear the uniform, cash the checks. We hate him. No matter how low Miami sank, Dolphin fans could take some comfort, looking at The Jets, thinking: "Man! At least we’re not pinning our future on Chad Pennington." Of course he’s got a great completion percentage. He can’t throw more than a 5 or 10 yard pass. Defensive backs literally don’t have to follow Receivers farther than 20 yards downfield. And we simply cannot count on Pennington to show the same common decency as Trent Green, go down with a Season ending injury.

When Chimp Chimpanzee dumped Daunte Culppper, brought in Trent Green it proclaimed to the NFL Miami was aspiring to mediocrity, labeled last Season the "Low Aspirations Tour." If Miami starts Chad Pennington 2008 will become the "No Aspirations Tour." There goes any chance of the long ball. Here comes the 8 man fronts, 22 players running around within 10 yards of scrimmage, Pennington padding his lifetime completion percentage by dumping the ball off to a back behind the line, checking down to a Tight End standing flat-footed two yards downfield.

The resultant ripple effect downgrades all other "skill" positions around him. Any projected production by Receivers must be cut in half. The Running Game takes a big hit since there will be no chance of a real passing attack, just extended hand-offs. The Dolphins become a dink and dunk Offense by default. The only Player on the team might deserve an upgrade is the Kicker.

If Pennington starts you should run (not walk) away from the Dolphins. Flee. Any hope Miami fans had we might field a decent team this year is gone. Dust. The Fins are gunning for the record books this year – the least yards from scrimmage in the history of the NFL. It is well within their grasp.

Jimmy Buffett had a song: "If the phone don’t ring, it’s me." That’s about all we can say to Bill Parcells and Jeff Ireland. Come Home Games, take a look at one of those (many) empty seats in Joe Robbie Stadium. That’s mine. Have a feeling I won’t be alone.

There is no joy in Mudville.